We all need some motivation!! :D

Well, the past months have been hard for me and I thought I was falling into the claws of depression again, but I'm feeling better now. :) I just had to let go of my troubles with the past (it wasn't easy believe me). In my mind I started the journey of forgetting those who were dragging me down and just reminding myself  to trudge along even when I want to crawl into bed and do nothing. This work in the turns of my mind will pay off one day I hope. Until then I'll focus on the positives (although this is extremely difficult for me because I'm essentially and always have been a pessimist) and have fun with my friends.
One friend In particular really helped me to find the fulfilling path. Thank you :) You know who you are!

I guess the whole point of this post is to remind everyone that even the most pessimist and once hopeless people can find a way out of the dark clammy tunnel that is sadness. Do your best in everything you do and this in itself will make you feel accomplished, and slowly everyone will begin to acknowledge you.

 Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations! ♥ :)

Stagnant Life with a Sprinkle of Insecutiry. (YGO mats and Pretty Accessories)

Well, I haven't written anything here in about a week now? Probably the reason is because Ive been on spring break, had to go to a retreat for church for two days (no electronics allowed), and, I'm just outright lazy sometimes.

Well, Ive been thinking that I need some sort of income. Right now its really hard to get a job so I was thinking of alternate ways to get some cash. First thing I thought was to make crafts and sell them. A friend offered me $5 for a bag like the one I carry around that I made and maybe I could make some cosplay dresses and accessories to sell but I dont know how I would go about that.
Secondly maybe I could make custom hand drawn TCG play mats and try to profit off of those. But, so far Ive only drawn them as favors for friends and I dont know if and how much I could get for one. Below are some I drew on, not my best work and I can do A LOT better.

Well what do you think guys? Which idea is good? How much would you pay for one of these mats? Suggestions and comments are welcome :)

Song I'm listening to right at this moment: Harder Than You Know by Escape the Fate. Such as sad song~ :'(

Gothic Lolita How to Guide

Well, one of my passions is making accessories, cosplay, and other bold articles of clothing. And one of my favorite styles to dress in is gothic lolita, sometimes more classic victorian lolita is fun to. So here's a little guide for those of you who want to dress in this style.
***You don't have to spend $100 on a dress. There are other alternatives if you don't have the cash, but obviously this is the easiest way to be a gothic lolita.

Okay, so you dont have the cash? No problem, I don't either. This is how I make an outfit.

1. Find a thrift store. You wouldn't beleive what I've found in places like this. Among my finds were, a leather kilt, a fishnet jacket, shoes I use for school girl cosplay, a European wool hat (badass looking and I spiced it up with a VAMPS pin and a couple safety pins) cool ties, strange shoes (lovely!) and other dresses I edited to my liking. Don't be afraid to go to these places to find at least a base for your project. You can go here to think up your initial design and just go with the things you find.

2. By this time you should more or less know what you want to do. It might be a blouse you want to make lolita-esque or a skirt you wanna add lace and bows to or maybe a nice headpiece.

3. Go to a fabric store, crafts store, or Walmart (my choice. cheap!) and look around for extra fabric, ribbons, buttons, or anything else you see that you like to add to your base or use to create your lolita look.

4. Okay, now is the complicated part. Time to break out the sewing machine. Or if you cant get one, thread and needle time~ There's many guides on other sites that teach sewing by hand but they're all relatively easy. Use it to build the dress you want. Remember in gothic lolita (or sweet lolita) its all about the poofy sleeves, lace, poofy skirt, and bows strategically placed. Be creative! :)

5. Once you have your dress or outfit, fix your hair with curls (most traditional in gothic lolita), put on a nice bow or headpiece in your hair, a light eyeshadow maybe, some cute socks, Mary Jane shoes, and you're set!

Nice concept :)

 So, if you have individual questions of how to sew certain things or anything at all just contact me on Twitter or Facebook or just comment and I'll help you out!

FRIDAY!~

Well, since its all over the place and my friends... erm.. friend cant stop listening, I thought I'd put it here too. Only and hour left of Friday so I am going to take advantage! I had a great day for once so this post of faggotry is dedicated to that! So here it is: Friday, by Rebecca Black.

So first of all, WHAT IS THIS?!?! Its a bunch of teenybopper female Bieber-esque girls and boys pretending that they can party. And even though this is annoying the first time around, you listen to it again and realize that you cant get enough of it. And then you listen to it again just to make sure you ain't trippin' but shes still kinda growing on you. And then by the 15th listen you're there right along with her singing along "Friday, Friday gotta get down on Friday~" And finally, you don't give a damn because its just so stupid! So here's just some of the reasons that its so stupid.
1. The whole thing sounds like you're talking on Auto Tune!!
2. Cereal Cereal Cereal~
3.What does it matter where you sit you dumb bimbo?!
4. You are 12! What are you doing out partyin'?
5. Your 12 year old friends drive?! You don't live in Mexico...
6.Hmmm... real friends are on your left. What about the poor girl on your left? That was a cruel statement young lady....
7. Yes. I know that Saturday comes after Friday. I'm not 12 like you.
8. You're 12.....

So yeah, this is my love hate relationship with Friday. Fun fun fun fun fun~

HOMURA!~~~ D: Madoka episode 10! (Spoilers!)

Aghhhh~ So who else was totally blown away by episode 10 of Madoka!? I sure was. Before you knew something was screwy with Homura but now omigosh shes like a goddess now! The anime should be renamed
Puella Magi Homura Magica! Ahh and her braids were so moe~
Another thing that got me in this episode was Madoka's attitude throughout the whole thing. The first time when she is shown with Mami my jaw literally dropped. Her confidence, bobbing pink twin tails, and bouncy skirt as she killed a witch was fantastic!
Third thing that made me squiggle with joy was the revalation of how Homuras power works and her relationship with Madoka. The first time shes shown working with Mami and Madoka is just magical! She wobbles over on Mamis bridge and with a little squeak throws the bomb! Aghhhh! So cute! And then when she was gathering all her firearms I was practically keeling over with joy!

The two best characters! ;D

 I can sort of see how the anime is unfolding but it might take a totally unexpected turn that came out of nowhere. I cant wait to see whats next! My score for this ep is a good 4.8/5! :)

RAGE and Sadness... and a Feeling of Inadequacy.

Well, I feel like I have to vent so I'm going to do it via Blogger. So in the past two or three months I've had no successes. Its just a downward spiral created by rejections, denial and just plain pessimistic thinking. Colleges I've applied to have started to send out acceptances/denials and denials seem to love me. Theres still some that I'm waiting to hear back on so my fingers are crossed.
And remember how I was so excited for Anime X maid cafe? Well yup, you guessed it, denied!~ I tried my best so no regrets. But still, still feels bad... makes me feel unattractive. I thought I had some things going for me but I guess not...
Also, my love life has rejection stamped all over it. I don't really want to get into detail with this but thought I'd mention it just to show how many aspects of life I've been denied.
I just need one thing to make me feel better but I guess I just have to try my best and wait on this one. Only time will tell and in the mean time I'll play some games and watch some anime until I get my mind off of it :)

Guess I'll listen to some Kanon-chan♥ for now. :)

Picture Me Broken

Well I always like to help to bring more into the light lesser known bands. Before I talked about the band Dazzle Vision and now I wanna talk about the band Picture Me Broken. In a way they are both similar because both the lead singers are female and use the screamo style although the singer from Dazzle Vision incorporates the screaming more into the song. And the most obvious reason is that Picture Me Broken is an American band! (Thought I wouldn't write about American music on this blog? Tsk tsk...) Well here they are:

So, they have one EP and one album out so obviously they still arent very known but I really like their sound. Layla (singer) is still a little bit inexperienced sounding but it brings a nice overal charm to the sound. Is it a case of 3D moe?? Maybe in my eyes it is.~ But anyways check them out if you like female vocalists, metal, or alternative music. Enjoy! :)

Cafe Maids and Hosts♥

So, as I've mentioned before, I applied to become an official Anime X maid. And as of now I'm still waiting for a reply. So because I'm so excited, I'm going to write about Maids and Hosts in anime and in cafes!
My favorite maid in an anime is Misaki from Kaichou wa Maid-sama. She kinda has a personality like mine and she is an inspiration! She has a fiery personality but shes a really nice and helpful person at the same time. And don't get me started on how tsunderely cute she is! She is my maidsperation ^____^~

Misaki~ Kyun!

On to hosts: Well, a close friend of mine also applied to be a host. He has the looks and personality and I think he could make women swoon if he wanted to. I think his hostsperation should be the king of hosts. And there is no argument (I hope) that the winner is Tamaki from Ouran High School Host Club! Like Misaki, he carries his bubbles and roses of moe wherever he goes and makes the opposite sex crumble before his beauty and personality.

Tamaki~

Onto real life maid and host cafes! Well most of them are obviously in Akihabara but you can get a glimpse of them at anime expos across the country! (Im not sure about all countries) There are so many types of fanservice cafes like, tsundere, crossplay, host, shrine maidens, cat girls, and so much more. My two personal favorites are the crossplay and tsundere ones! Im just weird like that.

Cross dressing maids!♥

Well, I hope I get chosen! Until then I'll be admiring maids and hosts and studying their ways. Arghhhh I really really hope I get chosen. Wish me luck!♥

Unwanted Childhood Friends ;_;

This post is dedicated to all the childhood friends in anime that the main character would be perfect for, but then never get any action. No love for childhood friends~ This post is dedicated to Rihoko from Amagami SS, and Manami from Oreimo. They are both so lovable and cute and have more right to be with the main character then anyone in the series. Time is on their side yet no one cares.

First of all, Rihoko! So cute and squishy, and the only one in Amagami NOT to get with the main character! I waited months for her arc and when it finally comes cuteness ensures yes, but no ending of everlasting love. I was so mad! The most physical contact they had was her noming a finger as opposed to Ai who threw herself naked at Junichi. At least she's still pure... but still, poor Rihoko ;_;

And now Manami, also sweet and lovable but no love for her. She does her best but because she has childhood friend status she goes almost entirely unnoticed. I always sympathize with these types of characters and now more so when I myself now kinda feel like them. You try your best but get thrown aside. Sucks to get "friendzoned" ;_; Sorrow and heartbreak~~~

Reliability of CLAMP

Many people know that I love CLAMP to death. Anything that is produced by these four lovely ladies is almost always a masterpiece in my opinion. My favorites are obviously Cardcaptor Sakura, followed my X/1999, Suki, Code Geass, xxxHolic, and Kobato. The art work is beautiful, the stories are intricate and alluring, and the characters are lovable and wonderfully, humanly, flawed. But, I have one complaint: sometimes you just have to finish what you start girls!

The biggest CLAMP rage I have ever had was when I reached the last released chapter of X/1999. What was that?! You leave off at the beginning of the last climax and decide to never finish!? That was very very disappointing. Please finish what you start!

Another thing.... Kobato is released at a slow paced.... just saying.~ But you know I still love you CLAMP!♥

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ for CLAMP. Can't wait for future productions!

Attempt at being an Anime X Maid♥

So, like I've mentioned before, I'm applying to be an official maid for the maid cafe at AnimeX 2011. I already submitted the application, pictures, and video. Right now I'm wondering just how much competition I have and if I actually have a chance. I'm really excited that I even have a chance to be in this though.

The video requirement for the application was to dance the Hare Hare Yukai. I already knew how to dance it so I just had to practice a bit. So here's the video.

Please tell me what you think. Don't be afraid to be honest! Give me your worst~

"I'm a Girl, so I Must Get Free Things"

So, should girls be able to say this?

Personally, I hate this way of thinking. No woman should rely on a guy (boyfriend or not) to buy her things. I would even feel bad if the guy asked me out on a date and then offered to pay for me. Its like because I'm a woman, I'm somehow unable to pay for my food. It just makes me feel like some sort of little kid.

Some guy friends of mine were telling me today that they would feel bad NOT paying for a girl they asked out. And I thought back to experiences I have had with guys paying for me and dating and such and for the most part I always payed half the bill and sometimes payed for the other persons food. Girls are capable of doing things for themselves. We are not helpless. At least not most of us (likewise with guys).

Also today at today it was implied that because I had these values, I was not taking advantage of the fact that I was a girl. Apparently because I'm a girl with a hobby that is male dominated (Yu-Gi-Oh card game) I should try to take full advantage of my gender and "get free shit". Sometimes I do get treated nicer because of my gender but I did not ask for it. If you want, treat me with the same attitude you would treat a guy. I wont mind.
But yeah, girls aren't helpless, and we aren't here just to get guy's money.
 

One of my favorite cards.

Fate Stay Night Visual Novel

So the other day I downloaded the Fate Stay Night visual novel. I hadent played any visual novels for a long time (the last ones I played were BL ones: Animamundi Dark Alchemist and Absolute Obedience) and I really felt like playing one. This one seemed popular so I figured it was a good place to start with.

So after the 8 hours my dumb computer took to download this I started it up and started to go through it. I was happy that you start out playing from the point of view of Rin. Although it would have been nice if the prologue was a little more exciting and shorter instead of taking two hours. But then later it ties in nicely so I didn't mind. Something else I wish they had worked on is making it more interactive and the player more involved with the story. Also a boyxboy route would have been nice but you cant have everything! I'm still working on it and I'll post more about it when I finish at least one route! So far I love Archer and Rin! They make such a cute couple. And Rin is one of the better tsunderes I've seen.♥

Any other suggestions for after I finish or get bored of this one? I'm open to any genre!

Out and In.

Its a mystery, that thing we crave.
It hides in the unknown.
Mocks us when its near.
Makes us better when its within our grasp.
Then suddenly and without a warning its gone
And you're broken again

You wont be repaired.
Not for a while so
Return to the beginning
And hope for it once more
Repeat the meaningless cycle

Just to hold it in your hands again
To feel its skin
To feel the rush
To feel that feeling
That can never stay.

Dazzle Vision

I recently listened to the Japanese band Dazzle Vision and was blown away. Maiko, the singer/screamer has an amazing voice like none I've ever heard of in a Japanese band. Her songs can easily go from melodic and pretty to raw and edgy. If I were to compare them to a western band it would probably be Flyleaf, although I like Maiko's screaming better. It sounds so much more powerful.

The lovely Maiko

I was also surprised by how low-key they still are. Its amazing to me how they are still relatively unknown. So yeah, check them out if you're a fan of metal, visual kei, female singers, screamo, or Flyleaf.

DazzleVision♥

Memories

I wish people couldn't remember bad memories. Especially good memories that were once happy ones but are now twisted and perverted around.
I realized that every insignificant place has a memory that lingers for certain people. You overlook it but the next person to come along might be drawn to it because of something that happened to them there.
All these insignificant places, with all the memories hovering, shaking, draping themselves over fixtures, ominously reminding you of a simpler time, hugging, wandering, lingering for all to ignore.

My memories won't be a burden for you.

Madoka Episode 8... Fuckin' Kyubei!

That Kyubei. Finally I see it die a horrible bloody death. But then obviously it HAS to have clones that make it impossible for you to kill it. Although it was frustrating, it was pretty cool to see it eat itself. And, the ending scene was exactly what I expected. Predictable but enjoyable nonetheless. Looking forward to see what kind of shenanigans will happen and will Madoka become a magical girl? Or are these people just messing with us? New episode tonight!

This episode gets a 4.3/5 from me.

Nico Nico Douga Style Dances

I've been watching alot of the dances popularized by Nico Nico Douga and there's some that really stand out in my opinion. My favorite that I've seen (I know, a bit old) is this one below. I love how its both masculine and feminine at the same time. I would love to learn the choreography to this if I get a guy to do it alongside me to reach the full effect that this dance has. 

Another one of my favorites which is a solo dance is a bit old too. It get a plus from me because its sung by Luka (my favorite Vocaloid). My favorite thing about this dance is the energy and stamina that it requires. Just look at her go! You can tell that this took some serious training. And, the chorus choreography is just adorable! Kyun!~♥

Since I have to do one for the AX maid application, I'm going to do a warm-up Hare Hare Yukai for the lulz and then attempt to do one of the above. Wish me luck!♥